As a lawyer, I am a strong proponent of the Rule of Law.
One of the pillars of the Rule of Law is the principle of equality—which stipulates that the law should apply to all people equally regardless of their status in society.
Of course, every reasonable person would appreciate that this principle of law is not entirely true in practice. Perhaps, it should be postulated to state that, amongst equals, there should be equality before the law.
The laws, though shouldn’t happen, treat some people different from others in society and this is everywhere in the world.
In our individual spaces of relationships, not all men and women are also the same. You cannot apply the same treatment to all men and women.
You would have to determine the importance, value, and standing of a person you are in communication or engagement with—and act or treat them accordingly.
One of my female friends in Ghana called me this morning—crying that her boyfriend of 2 years has completely cut her off in the last month and the man has insisted that he is done with her.
When I asked her what happened, it was something silly. She was upset about something and therefore BLOCKED the man for 2 days.
This is a man with real options. A man in his 40s, employed with a good salary—and yet this friend was playing games with him.
She says after she unblocked the man, he has not picked her call or answered her messages. She went to his house and he sacked her like a “dog”—those were her words.
Now, she is devastated. 2 years have gone down the drain and she is worried she wouldn’t find such a loving and kind man again.
I told her that only a fool thinks luck would befall them twice in life.
The background is that, this same tactic of blocking men when upset has worked for her in the past in her previous relationships.
What she did not acknowledge this time is this: a person with value, as well as enviable options in life, should NOT be treated like someone without options. You do so at your own peril—I told her.
I see this happening all around me. People seem to have some blueprint that they apply to all persons—forgetting that you cannot treat all persons the same. Even the law does not.
The way you will deal with a 40-something-year-old man with has sh*t together cannot be the same way you will deal with a 20-something-year-old dude who you support each month.
The way you should even communicate and treat a man who got your back and is there for you shouldn’t be the same manner you will deal with some loser who just wants to have sex or has nothing much to offer you in life.
The value of a person in your life should correspond to the treatment they receive, the extent you are ready to go to satisfy them, or the personal rules you are ready to break for them.
If you go through life like my friend, painting all persons with the same brush of treatment, you will learn it the hard way—that precious minerals are not the same as sawdust and thus, cannot be treated the same.
Appreciate the nuances. A lot of modern women adopt wholesome treatments and apply them all over—some sort of tactics or games—thinking these would work on all men.
